I have evolved.

Evolve- :to develop by a process of evolution (to a different adaptive state or condition. ):

I like this definition best out of the couple that come from the dictionary.

I have evolved into a Mother. Being a new mother almost feels as if it automatically throws you into a secret world. A secret world of women with babies. This is where our life gets more complicated than we could have ever imagined. Babies can almost do nothing for themselves. Gradually, they learn things. One by one. And then they learn how to do things for themselves. Hold their bottle. Feed themselves. Become mobile. Communicate. And so on.

For me, as a mother, the first...hmm...7 or 8 months were happy, scary, confusing, and then, simply, and finally, enlightening. You can never realize how much a baby is going to throw the "ME" world off. And then, you feel selfish, or like a bad Mom for even thinking that. (IF...your a good mom) I remember thinking...wow, I must really suck at this because I might go crazy staying home. How the hell hard can it be? I mean, it is a "stay at home mom", a "cop out" (in other peoples eyes). Right? Umm, SO wrong.

It is not just being a mom that is hard, but then staying home with your child all day that you literally wait hand and foot (poopy diapers, spit up, breast feed), worry (is this TV going to make my child ADHD?), figure things out you didnt know (why is my baby crying and why cant I freakin get him to stop!?)

So, then, they start doing things. That first smile.They say ba ba and you think they deserve an olympic medal. WOW, honey, our kid is SO smart...then they hold their bottle, feed themselves, etc. and so on. I started to see the light. I started to realize that this time... these few years when they are babies, that seem to throw your life upside down, are SO important. I started to evolve. I started to network, find outlets with other moms that we could share our same secret world with. Networking, reading, and waking up every morning with the "I CAN" attitude help me be the best mother possible every day.

Now the fun part. I still read my gossip magazines, I still have wine (hell maybe a bottle), I still paint my nails black sometimes, and I still like going to the club with my husband so I can get my groove on. Even the other day I wore a shirt with my husband that showed some midriff and really tight jeans and said "honey, this weekend when were out of town (we didnt have the baby)...I'm your girlfriend." I'm still...me. I HAVE to let loose, keep the fire, because in "Mommy Mode" I'm all about that kid, and keeping up with myself, makes it easier. Of course, I didn't realize this until he was 7 or 8 months old. Trust me, I lost it for a minute...


Every day gets easier. It gets easier because he is my life, and my world has adapted to him. I have fun in new ways. His smile makes my day brighter. His laugh makes my heart melt. Of course, we still have our trials. We still have better weeks than others. That is anybody. But I, have evolved. I figure out new "tricks" daily, and constantly get better, and more patient. I worry less. I become more confident in all of my mothering skills, and I see Trevor blossoming into this amazing little person.

Having amazing mommy friends surround me helps. Along with my fantastic husband. Being a mom motivates me to do the impossible. I must admit, in the begining I felt like "How will I ever make it out alive!?" But now, I would feel bored without this crazy busy life. I would be bored without Trevor. He will not be like this forver, and one day, I will evolve into the next phase of not being home with my kids all day and into the school years. But for now, I will embrace this fast paced, chaotic, new life with my baby. Because, one day he will walk. One day he will talk. One day he will tell me something I didnt know. One day...he will go to college. I will have a peaceful house. I will do what I want, when I want. And...one day, I will never be able to rock him in my arms and kiss him goodnight. One day, I will always miss him.